Surviving sexual abuse is usually an issue for the victims. There are support groups and therapy and lots of books on the subject geared towards victims. Parents are sort of on their own. How do you get through the legal process? Do you allow your child to testify in court? How do you find the right therapist? What if the offender is another family member? What if the offender is another child?
The Road Ahead
You are going to be building a roadmap for surviving sexual abuse that will probably lasts years. We try to build a plan that focuses on the long term success of your child. You may or may not win in court, and you may not receive the outcome that you hope for. You can focus on a positive long term outcome that doesn’t depend on someone going to jail or a legal settlement. We try to focus on the things that you can control.
So where do you start? The key to surviving sexual abuse is education and having realistic expectations. there are a lot of things outside your control so you want to maximize the things that are within your control. Starting with the easy stuff, you should learn about the process and outcomes in your particular state. Are you going to be dealing with the Department of Children and Families or is this going to be a legal matter. Is there enough evidence for prosecution? How long will the court process take you in your area? Will you get support in your school system? This can give you an idea of the upcoming journey.
Educating Yourself
Educating yourself about sexual abuse is actually the harder part. When our daughter was abused we took a class for non-offending parents which I highly recommend if you have one in your area. During the third class the instructor basically outlined how our children were molested and I almost threw up. It’s very disconcerting to discover many of the things you believed were true were not. Knowing how offenders go about abusing children will mess with your head. Unfortunately it’s something you need to know to have a foundation to move forward with your child.
We’ve tried to break up the experience into a series of modules you can go through at your own pace. Contact us if you would like more information on the program.
Does why make a difference?
Different abuse scenarios have different motivations. Does the person know they are doing something wrong or not? Did the person intend to hurt your child?
Safety First
If your child isn’t safe, this is first priority. Sometimes this is easier said than done. You might not have custody, the abuse may be happening out of state, etc.
What to expect
There are lots of players in getting services, justice and getting your life back on track. Here we discuss the players and their roles.
In the Event of
your life plane has crashed – what do you do? How is it going to affect you?
How could someone do this?
While you are trying to your head around this, we cover some of the motivations and try to bring this out of the clinical realm and make it as understandable as possible.
Price of Telling
You would think telling someone your child has been sexually abused would be similar to telling them your child has cancer. It’s not even close. Instead of being a unifying experience, it can be a very divisive experience depending on who the offender is.
Moving On
This is a life altering experience and you generally can’t get back to where you were. You have a new normal and this can be a process of discovery to figure out where this event fits in your life. Is it a weight on your shoulders or a platform to stand on?
And you thought it was over?
A successful verdict is usually just the beginning of another legal process involving parole hearings and release processes. An unsuccessful verdict may steer you in a variety of life changes.
Stupid Thoughts
You or your child may have what we are going to refer to as “Stupid Thoughts” these include killing yourself or someone else, disappearing, or other.
And the Verdict Is
Most people think they are prepared for the legal verdict. It may be what you want, but more times than not, it will fall short. It may also be more complex than you might have thought. Here we explore legal compromises, sentencing, etc.
